This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
