These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
