wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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