Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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