Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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