i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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