Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
