...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
