mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
