you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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