He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
