He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
