You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
