brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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