If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Too much gin, very little bucket
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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