I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
