my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
