Whod you bang
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
