he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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