i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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