guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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