PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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