so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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