Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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