didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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