Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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