you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
