I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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