that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
do nipples grow back?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
