And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
