I wish I could punch you in the face.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
