Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
