Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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