He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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