She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
