She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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