I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
