is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
