We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
