K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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