their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I will be naked everywhere
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
