Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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