what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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