dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
