This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
