Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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