You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
