I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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