Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
