im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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